Is It Bad to Attend Couples Therapy Before Marriage? Why More Ontario Couples Are Saying “Absolutely Not.”
When you picture couples therapy, what comes to mind?
A couple on the brink of separation? Big fights? Infidelity?
That’s the stereotype, but here’s the truth: more couples than ever are attending therapy before engagement or marriage, and it’s actually one of the healthiest things you can do for your relationship.
As a couples therapist in Ontario, I see it every day. Couples come in saying things like:
“We want to build a strong foundation before we take the next step.”
“We love each other, but we keep getting stuck in the same fight.”
“We want to understand our triggers before they snowball later.”
“We don’t want to repeat what we saw growing up.”
So let’s answer the question directly:
Is it bad to attend couples therapy before marriage?
No. In fact, going to couples therapy before marriage is one of the smartest, healthiest, and most relationship-protective decisions you can make.
Pre-marital therapy is not a sign of weakness, it’s a sign of maturity, emotional awareness, and a desire to make your relationship last long-term.
This article will walk you through:
✔ Why pre-marital therapy is becoming the new norm
✔ The most common concerns couples have
✔ What you actually work on in therapy before marriage
✔ How emotionally focused therapy (EFT) supports future-proofing your relationship
✔ Signs couples therapy could benefit you before getting married
✔ How virtual couples therapy works for Ontario partners
Why Couples Therapy Before Marriage Is Rising in Popularity
Even five years ago, conversations about therapy often stayed behind closed doors. But today?
Young adults, especially millennials and Gen Z, are building relationships with more emotional intention than any previous generation.
Here’s why pre-marital therapy is becoming so common in Ontario:
1. People are more self-aware.
We grew up hearing about “communication issues,” divorce, and emotional burnout.
So we’re doing things differently.
Instead of waiting until the relationship is strained, couples want to strengthen their connection now.
2. We understand that love alone is not enough.
No matter how deeply you love your partner, every relationship comes with:
differences
attachment wounds
communication styles
triggers
expectations
values
Therapy helps couples navigate these early, before they turn into patterns.
3. Many of us didn’t learn healthy relationship tools growing up.
If you didn’t see emotionally secure communication at home, how would you magically know how to do it now?
Couples therapy becomes that “missing manual.”
4. It’s easier than ever with virtual therapy.
Virtual couples therapy across Ontario lets partners attend sessions:
from separate locations
even with busy schedules
without commuting
in a space where they feel comfortable
It removes barriers and helps therapy fit into real life.
5. It’s preventative, not reactive.
Think of it like dental cleaning. Car maintenance. Going to the gym.
Investing in your relationship before problems grow is far easier than repairing major ruptures later.
The Biggest Misconception: “If we need therapy before marriage, something must be wrong.”
This fear stops so many couples from reaching out.
But here’s the reality:
**Therapy doesn’t mean your relationship is bad.
It means you care enough to make it last.**
Couples therapy is not a crisis-only space.
In fact, many of the most successful long-term couples start therapy early.
Here are the real reasons people seek therapy before marriage:
“We communicate differently and want to make sure we’re on the same page.”
“We keep circling around the same conflicts.” (e.g., the anxious-avoidant cycle)
“We want to feel more emotionally connected.”
“We’re blending families and want support.”
“We want to discuss future plans without shutting down.”
“We’re afraid of repeating past relationship patterns.”
None of these mean your relationship is doomed.
They mean you're normal.
If anything, ignoring these differences is what creates long-term issues.
What You Actually Do in Pre-Marriage Couples Therapy
Many people imagine therapy as sitting on a couch and talking about everything that’s wrong.
But pre-marital couples therapy is often incredibly bonding, hopeful, and growth-focused.
At Lovebird Couples Therapy Ontario, sessions often include:
1. Understanding Your Relationship Patterns (Using EFT)
Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT) is the gold standard for couples work.
Instead of focusing on who’s “right or wrong,” EFT explores:
your emotional needs
your triggers
how you react when you feel disconnected
the pattern or “cycle” you get stuck in
This is where couples often say:
“Wow… this makes so much sense now.”
Your therapist helps you identify the cycle as the problem, not each other.
That alone transforms communication.
2. Learning Emotional Communication Skills
You’ll learn how to communicate in ways that bring you closer, such as:
using gentle start-ups
expressing fears instead of criticisms
staying emotionally present
listening to understand (not defend)
repairing conflicts sooner
These are skills that create long-lasting partnership success.
3. Navigating Big Conversations Before They Cause Conflict
Couples therapy gives you a safe space to talk about important (and sometimes tender) topics like:
marriage expectations
finances
emotional needs
boundaries with in-laws
roles and responsibilities
intimacy and sexual connection
parenting philosophies
conflict styles
long-term goals
Most couples want to talk about these things… but get stuck or overwhelmed. Therapy helps you do it with guidance and intention.
4. Strengthening Your Emotional Bond
Many couples end up saying:
“We feel closer than ever.”
“This brought us together.”
“We understand each other so much more clearly.”
Pre-marital therapy isn't about fixing something broken, it’s about deepening connection.
5. Learning How to Repair After Conflict
Every relationship has conflict.
Happy couples just repair faster.
Therapy teaches you repair tools like:
softening
acknowledging the emotional impact
validating your partner’s internal experience
reconnecting after distance
checking in during moments of overwhelm
These are long-term protective factors for marriage.
The Benefits of Attending Couples Therapy Before Marriage
Here are some of the most commonly reported benefits:
1. Better communication—not just during conflict, but daily life.
2. A deeper emotional connection.
3. More confidence and clarity about the future.
4. Reduced anxiety about marriage.
5. Having tools to navigate future challenges.
6. Preventing resentment from building over years.
7. Learning each other’s love languages, attachment styles, and emotional needs.
8. Feeling like you're starting the marriage as a united team.
Signs You and Your Partner Might Benefit from Therapy Before Marriage
You don’t need “issues” to go.
But you may benefit if:
You sometimes get stuck in the same disagreement
One or both of you shuts down during conflict
You struggle to express your needs
You feel anxious when discussing the future
You want clarity on values or expectations
You come from different family backgrounds
One of you wants more reassurance than the other
You want emotional tools to stay connected long-term
Even the healthiest couples benefit from a guided space to grow.
Addressing Common Fears About Couples Therapy Before Marriage
“What if the therapist finds something wrong with us?”
The goal is not to find faults, it’s to strengthen the healthy parts of your relationship and soften the areas that feel hard.
“What if therapy makes things worse?”
Therapy helps couples talk about the things they’re already feeling, but with support, clarity, and tools.
Ignoring challenges is what makes things worse over time.
“What if we realize we’re not compatible?”
Therapy doesn’t push couples apart.
It helps you understand each other, make informed decisions, and move forward with intention, whether that’s toward engagement or long-term partnership.
“What if we look silly going to therapy so early?”
The strongest couples are the ones who seek support early, not after years of unresolved hurt.
How Virtual Couples Therapy Works for Ontario Couples
Lovebird Couples Therapy Ontario offers fully virtual sessions across the province, meaning you can attend from:
Toronto
Ottawa
Brampton
Hamilton
Kitchener/Waterloo
Kingston
Windsor
Northern Ontario
…and anywhere in between
Here’s how virtual therapy supports couples:
✔ Attend from different locations
Perfect for couples who live separately, travel for work, or have different schedules.
✔ No commute or childcare stress
Log in from wherever feels comfortable.
✔ More accessibility
Therapy fits into your real life—not the other way around.
✔ Same depth and effectiveness as in-person therapy
Research shows virtual EFT sessions are just as effective.
What a First Couples Therapy Session Looks Like
If you’re wondering what to expect, here’s a simple breakdown:
1. We start by understanding your relationship story.
How you met, what drew you together, what feels good, and what feels hard.
2. We identify the cycle you get stuck in.
This is not about blaming, it’s about understanding.
3. We explore your individual emotional needs.
Every person has a different attachment style and history. This matters.
4. We set meaningful goals together.
This could include better communication, deepening intimacy, navigating the next step in your relationship, etc.
5. We move at your pace.
Therapy is collaborative, supportive, and uniquely tailored to you.
So… Is It Bad to Attend Couples Therapy Before Marriage?
Absolutely not.
If anything, it shows that you:
value emotional health
care deeply about the relationship
want lifelong tools
want clarity and confidence moving forward
are ready to build a secure foundation
Pre-marital therapy is one of the best predictors of long-term relationship success.
It doesn’t mean you're broken.
It means you’re building something worth protecting.
Ready to Strengthen Your Relationship Before Marriage?
If you’re an Ontario couple looking to deepen your connection, understand your patterns, and feel more prepared for your future together, Lovebird Couples Therapy Ontario is here to support you